I have been rather quiet on my blog lately. I am never sure people really read this thing but I have had a couple people question me on my silence so I guess there are a few of you out there still. Well, the reason for my silence is quite simple really. You see, I usually do my blogging late at night and lately I have been doing this strange thing at night where I lay down in the bed and close my eyes and SLEEP!! I know, strange but true. For the past couple of months I have been sleeping like a baby for eight and nine hours a night. I love it!! But, here I sit tonight for the first time in a long time. The result of a fun night with my family and a little too much caffeine. As I sat wasting my time and brain cells stalking people on Facebook I thought, "Maybe I should blog!" and so here I am.
It is funny because even though I have not blogged on here for a while, I am always blogging in my head. I hear something or read something and I start writing a post. The problem is that by the time I have the computer to myself and time to think I am too tired so back to facebook I go. It is a place where I can be social but no one knows I am there. It is strange, really, how we can sit in front of the computer screen and read the thoughts of others and look at their pictures and we think we have some sort of relationship. It is perfect for introverts like me, being friends with people I don't have to see in real life.
Well, back to my blog. I am trying so hard to remember one of those things that I thought was so blog-worthy...
Oh, here is one!
"The less we are manipulated by the expectations of others, the more we are open to the expectations of God." Richard Foster
I read this in my devotions the other day and it really hit me hard. I am such a people-pleaser and I live and breathe by the expectations of others. I lay in bed and think about all of the people that I have disappointed. I need to send a card to her and I should have called her and I forgot to do this and my house is still a mess and I didn't do this for Allie or Dean or Anna. Very rarely do I lay in bed and think about the things that God expected of me that day. I don't think of all the ways I may have disappointed Him, unless it is a really big one.
My prayer that day was that I would be able to let go of all of the other expectations and focus on the things that God expects from me if I claim to be His daughter. I want to be able to lay in bed and think about all of the ways that I must have made Him smile that day. I have a feeling that if I focus on meeting His expectations, all of the others will fall into place.
I am also at a place in my life where I am really seeking what God wants me to do next and if I am so focused on everyone else, how will I ever hear His voice?