It's Wednesday again! Time to think about the "Whatevers" in my life. (Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8)
I have to be honest and say that I really don't feel like doing a Whatever Wednesday today. I have been having a rough couple of days. I have those times when life seems to overwhelm me. Not that I have anything overwhelming happening right now. It actually is pretty calm. The problem is when I start to think about the past sixteen years or so and all that has happened. I get filled with confusion and sadness and fear. The fear paralyzes me. I can't look forward without absolute fear of what is going to happen next and I just know that I cannot take one more thing. I can't do it. I will shut down. Whatever hope and life that is left in me will die if I have to face one more change, one more challenge, one more crisis. That is how I am feeling today.
I am so glad that feelings can change. I am glad I have those times when I look at the past and the future with this attitude. Because if I had to live with the feelings I had last night I couldn't do it. Living with fear, panic, anxiety, and no purpose isn't living at all.
So, I guess this is no time to skip my Whatever Wednesday. This is the time I need it most. So, here goes nothing... or everything.
I'll start with some verses I found last night when I was feeling at my worst and they brought me some peace.
Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God's Sunrise will break in upon us, Shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death, Then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace. Luke 1:78,79
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day. Psalm 91:4,5
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14
And, though I often feel dazed and confused when I think about the past, I need only look at these faces and feel overwhelming gratitude. I don't deserve them but I thank God He blessed me with them. They make it all worth it.
I don't know if my Whatever Wednesdays make any difference to anyone else out there but today it made all the difference to me. Thank you for listening.
I know, I know . It is just the beginning of November. Some people aren't ready to think about Christmas yet. If you are one of those people you might want to stay away from our house now. We are so ready for Christmas! We absolutely love the Christmas season and we started listening to our Christmas music today.
There is a certain song, though, that has such a special meaning to me that I wanted to share it with you all. It is a song by Third Day called "Merry Christmas". I first heard this song the Christmas that we were in the midst of the adoption process and it brought tears to my eyes every single time it came on. It is the story of a family waiting to adopt a little one from China and it talks about Christmas without her. Of course, it made me think of our little one. We didn't know who she was yet but we knew she was out there. Without a family. It broke my heart to think about it. In the end of the song it talks about her being with them for the next Christmas and it always brought me hope that it would happen and we would have many Christmases together as a family.
As you know, it did happen. Actually, it turned out that Anna Grace did have her first Christmas with us and we look forward to many, many more. It is so strange to listen to that song this year and look down and see that little face. It has really made me remember those aweful months of waiting. I get frustrated with her sometimes because, you know, she's a toddler and can be rather frustrating. Today, though, I felt the need to just enjoy her and appreciate the gift that she is to us. It is so amazing to think about the miracle of adoption.
Listening to that song now makes me so thankful and grateful for Anna Grace but it also makes me so very sad to think of all of the children out there who have no family. Not just at Christmas but every single day. If I had the money I would just keep filling out that paperwork and bringing them home. But, for now, I just look at that sweet little face and thank God for her every single day. And I will do everything I can to make her Christmas magical every single year.