Wednesday, November 4, 2009

"Whatever..." Wednesday

It's Wednesday again! Time to think about the "Whatevers" in my life. (Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. Philippians 4:8)

I have to be honest and say that I really don't feel like doing a Whatever Wednesday today. I have been having a rough couple of days. I have those times when life seems to overwhelm me. Not that I have anything overwhelming happening right now. It actually is pretty calm. The problem is when I start to think about the past sixteen years or so and all that has happened. I get filled with confusion and sadness and fear. The fear paralyzes me. I can't look forward without absolute fear of what is going to happen next and I just know that I cannot take one more thing. I can't do it. I will shut down. Whatever hope and life that is left in me will die if I have to face one more change, one more challenge, one more crisis. That is how I am feeling today.

I am so glad that feelings can change. I am glad I have those times when I look at the past and the future with this attitude. Because if I had to live with the feelings I had last night I couldn't do it. Living with fear, panic, anxiety, and no purpose isn't living at all.

So, I guess this is no time to skip my Whatever Wednesday. This is the time I need it most. So, here goes nothing... or everything.

I'll start with some verses I found last night when I was feeling at my worst and they brought me some peace.

Through the heartfelt mercies of our God, God's Sunrise will break in upon us, Shining on those in the darkness, those sitting in the shadow of death, Then showing us the way, one foot at a time, down the path of peace. Luke 1:78,79

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day. Psalm 91:4,5

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

And, though I often feel dazed and confused when I think about the past, I need only look at these faces and feel overwhelming gratitude. I don't deserve them but I thank God He blessed me with them. They make it all worth it.


I don't know if my Whatever Wednesdays make any difference to anyone else out there but today it made all the difference to me. Thank you for listening.

1 comment:

Jodi said...

I just read this today... Oh my goodness, Stacey, this SO describes how I've been feeling lately. And similarly, there's nothing going on right this minute, but the past year to 18 months or so have been really difficult. When I talk about it, I laugh and say I could write a book, because if I don't laugh I'll cry. And actually I've been doing a lot of crying at night...so overwhelmed, sad,and discouraged. It's in the past, but I think at the time I was so busy dealing with it, I didn't have time to process it. And now that I am, I feel like I can't take it anymore. So, your post made all the difference at just the right time.