Sunday, June 27, 2010

Voices




Does anyone else out there ever hear voices in their head? Or am I the only one? I hear them almost constantly. They say things like "You're not good enough for him!; You're not skinny enough, pretty enough, talented enough, patient enough, you're just not ENOUGH!!; Why did you say that, think that, do that?; You deserved that!; You didn't deserve that!; Who do you think you are?; Your dreams will never come true!"...



On and on they go. All day long. Even as I lay my head on the pillow they won't stop. These voices telling me everything I messed up that day and reminding of all the things I have to do the next day. Sometimes I just want to scream at myself, "Stop!!!". I long for some rest, some peace.



Several years ago I found a verse that has been the only cure for these endless thoughts that destroy my spirit and wound my heart. It is found in Zephaniah 3:17.



"The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."



I have developed this little ritual in my head when I am assaulted by these negative thoughts. First, I focus on the part of the verse that says "He will quiet you with his love". I stop and realize that these thoughts and voices are coming from no one other than myself and my own insecurities. They are lies or at least half-truths. I allow myself to be quieted by his love. I rest in his peace. I find some security in the truth that he loves me. I am enough to him. More than enough!




After I have allowed myself to get quiet, I think about the fact that "he is with me, he is mighty to save"! Yes, some of the thoughts in my head were based on real situations that are scary and intimidating and I just don't want to face them. I would rather worry about them than confront them. I am paralyzed by my own fears of the future. But he is with me! He is mighty to save! He will rescue me! He will give me the confidence I need to face my fears and move forward. Wherever that may be!



Next I let myself feel the delight of the Lord. This verse says that "he takes great delight in ME"!! It is OK to feel good about myself. It is good to think about the positive things in my life. The ways he has shown his approval and delight in me. I take a minute to thank him for the blessings. And there are so many!



Last, and my favorite part of this little ritual, is I picture him "rejoicing over me with singing". The picture of God holding me in his arms and singing me a little song, a song that is mine alone, brings me comfort. That he would know the song that I need to hear at that moment is amazing to me. When I really allow myself to rest and meditate on this verse and what it means I can almost hear the singing. I can certainly feel it in my soul. Bringing me peace. Quieting those thoughts and voices. Giving me rest.



This may seem silly to you. I hope not. We all need coping mechanisms in this world where all we hear is that we just aren't enough. I'm grateful that everything I need to survive is in one book. A book where I can see and hear the very voice of God. And sometimes even a song!


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