Thursday, October 28, 2010

Broken, but Blessed

I was cleaning the other day (yes, I do that occasionally) and I noticed that something precious to me was broken. You may have read or heard the story of our "sparrow". When Emma was in the NICU after she was born we kept hearing the song "His Eye is on the Sparrow" and it became very meaningful to us so we went on a search to find a "sparrow" to remind us that God was taking care of our little baby girl. We finally found one and kept it with us throughout her stay and the years after. Along the way, it has acquired some scratches, bumps, and bruises. But, I noticed the other day that it is just plain broken. Its poor little beak is half gone.

My first thought was, "I wonder if we can find a new one of these somewhere. Maybe I should search ebay or amazon." Because that is our first reaction when something is broken, right? We want a new one. At the very least, we want it fixed. Who wants to keep something that is broken?

And then I started remembering those first days with Emma. I remembered the realization that our child was broken. I remembered feeling dazed and confused. Wondering what we could have done differently so that our child was not the broken one. I remembered feeling angry with God for not fixing her. I remembered coming to accept that she was indeed broken and would never be fixed here on this earth. It was hard. It hurt. I fought against it.

But, you know what? It was okay. It wasn't easy, but it was okay. I loved my broken little girl. I learned from her. I found joy in her. I rejoiced for her when she finally got to go home to Heaven where she is no longer broken. I wouldn't have changed anything about her. Brokenness and all. She was broken and I was so very blessed to have her.

I realized as I stood there with that broken sparrow in my hand how very broken I am. I have been bumped and bruised by this world and I am broken. I am broken because of some of the choices I have made. Times when I have chosen what I thought was best instead of waiting on God's perfect plan for me.

I am broken because of some of the choices others have made. Choices that affected me. Choices that hurt me. The world is full of broken people who wound others out of their own pain. I am sure I am one of them.

Most of my brokenness is because I live in a broken world. When sin entered our world it was forever changed. We now have to deal with sickness, death, evil. Things God never intended for us.

So, here I am. So broken. What if God were to look at me and see only my broken parts? What if He decided that He needed to throw me aside? What if I were worth nothing to Him because of my brokenness?

The thought terrifies me.

Thank God for His grace. Because of His grace He looks at me, not with contempt, but with sorrow. Jeremiah 8:21 says, "For my dear broken people, I am heartbroken. I weep. I am seized by grief." God weeps for me. He feels my pain. His heart breaks because of my brokenness.

Psalm 51:17 tells me that "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Because of my brokenness, my heart is tender and open to Him. I see my sin and offer it to Him. And He does not despise my brokenness. He welcomes it. He welcomes me.

In my brokenness I find comfort. I run to the One who loves me in spite of myself and I find peace. 2 Corinthians 1:4 reminds me that God is there to comfort me in all of my troubles. And, in return, I can be there to comfort others.

God doesn't throw me out. He draws me in. He loves me. He comforts me. He takes my brokenness and uses it to bring Himself glory. He uses it to help others. He breaks my heart for those around me who are broken.

Just like that sparrow... Just like my girl... I am broken. But I am blessed.

You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and His rule.

Matthew 5:3

3 comments:

Erika said...

Love it! Seriously, you need to write a book of daily inspirations. :) I could use a book like that...

Uncle Jim said...

I may be broken. I do know I am not "the finished product". I cling to the hope that I am an unfinished product. I am a work-in progress. I do not wear my feelings on my sleeve. I do however let them eat away at me sometimes though. There are very precious few that I would ever let know my "insides" so to speak.

Beth Freed said...

God loves you all the more for your brokeness! If you weren't broken, you wouldn't need Him. Do you think you've arrived in haughty holiness? No. Do you sit in judgement of others? No. You brokeness causes you to seek understanding in yourself and others. God uses your brokeness to bring others to Himself. The sparrow wasn't broken, just worn, loved, hugged on, used as a reminder, an encourager that touched you like no other symbol. If it hadn't have meant something to you, it would have been forgotten, not used to comfort. This is the same for us. Are we untouched by hurt, sorrow, apprehension, fear and wonder? If we are, we can't experience the joy and security that His loving arms bring. We need to stay broken.